The internal battle of shame vs guilt. Do you know the difference?
I joined a small group at my church this semester, it’s called “Freedom”. The first week was a motivational video and a brief meditation session. I felt really good about how I saw this journey going. Week two was a little different. Our teacher, Amy, told us we were diving in deep. First topic to address:
Did you know there is a difference between guilt and shame? Guilt is what you feel, and shame attacks who you are.
Oh my. This is about to get real. She began to explain how shame is all a lie, and as long as we carried on believing these lies, satan was steadily using them against us. Every. Single. Day. After a brief discussion, we were instructed to reflect for a moment. We were going to think of some shame we each carry and journal for five minutes about it. I picked up the sparkly silver pencil from my table, and put it to the yellow notepad.
Palms sweating, shaking my leg from nervousness, I gave myself a quick pep talk. Breathe Jen, just write something down. It’s only five minutes. You got this. The words all of a sudden came easy. My mind was on a spiral into a hole that I’ve avoided for so long.
I caused so much hurt. I lied and I caused unnecessary pain. I was selfish and stupid. I caused so much turmoil amongst so many people. I was so dumb.
There was more that I wrote, but you get the idea. About half way into my writing, a light bulb went off. I looked around the room, as if there was a real light bulb flashing over my head and everyone could see. You see, everything I was writing was shame. If I had been writing out of guilt, I would have said things much differently.
My choices caused so much hurt. I chose to lie and my lies caused unnecessary pain. My choices were selfish and stupid. I chose to cause so much turmoil amongst so many people. My choices were dumb.
Obviously, there is a huge difference. In my shame, I identify myself as all of these things. Satan feeds on this shame, which makes it hard to let go and move forward. In my guilt, I can see the effects of my bad choices, but they do not identify who I am.
The good news is, our mighty God forgives our bad choices, all we have to do is ask. I encourage you today, work on recognizing your guilt verses shame, and seek out the Lord in forgiveness. Stop giving the devil ammunition to use against you!